Helping Someone Who has Experienced Sexual Violence

Sexual violence can happen to anyone, at any time, at any place. It happens to people of all ages, gender, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation, economic levels, and to those with disabilities.

Sexual violence is an extremely invasive and has a dramatic effect on the lives of its victims and those around them. Friends, spouses, significant others, life partners, and family members need to be educated about sexual violence to support and aid the victim through the healing process, understand how the violence might affect their family unit, and that the violence perpetrated against their loved one may affect them personally.

The perpetrator of sexual violence is often someone that is trusted by the victim. The perpetrator could be a stranger; however, statistics indicate 93% of sexual violence victims know their perpetrator.

Anyone who forces, coerces, or manipulates another person into any unwanted sexual activity is breaking the law and can be charged with the crime of sexual assault.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT!

How to Help a Survivor of Sexual Violence

Many friends, spouses, significant others, and family members feel inadequate to say and do things that will be most helpful to the victim during the recovery process. The most important thing you can do is be patient with your loved one. The healing process can take a long time. Your lives will never be the same as they were before the act of violence occurred, but life can be happy and fulfilling once again. If the victim and/or you are experiencing nightmares, extreme anger, appetite disturbances, and difficulty resuming every day activities 6-8 weeks after the incident, seek professional help.

Things to Remember when Helping Your Loved One Recover

• Allow your loved one to grieve.
• Talk, listen, and be emotionally available to the survivor. Let the survivor talk about the incident but do not force a discussion.
• Blame the perpetrator not your loved one.
• Respect the survivor’s privacy and need for boundaries and limits.
• Accept what the survivor tells you - accept that the act of violence took place.
• Understand and reiterate to the survivor that the violent act is not their fault.
• Listen non-judgmentally to the survivor.
• Offer suggestions, options, and actions to help them deal with the act - allow the survivor to make decisions about what action to take.
• Encourage the survivor to seek medical attention. Accompany them and offer support as needed.
• Take initiative - maintain communication with the survivor. Ensure the survivor you are available for support.
• Moderate your natural tendencies to become overprotective.
• Do not take outbursts or expressions of anger personally.
• Contact professionals to learn about healing from violence and how you can help facilitate the process.
• When appropriate encourage the survivor to attend support groups and individual counseling.
• Learn about the effects sexual violence can have on the survivor, their family, and the community at large.
• Do not set timetables or give your loved one ultimatums. Be patient, understand the healing process takes time.

Friends of Abused Families can provide specific supportive counseling to family and friends of sexual violence survivors. Please contact the Sexual Assault Victim Services Specialist at 262.334.5598 ext. 100.